I don't understand myself

Sometimes I really, sincerely, utterly admire Elisa. She is good at everything, everything she does she does well, it is a pleasure to conversate with her.
Other times I wonder how I can be attracted by someone who cares so little about how she looks and dresses.
Sometimes I would like to tell her that she should take a little more care in how she looks and dresses (only a little. I hate girls who only care about looks).
Other times I feel that, if I told her so, I would be an insensitive sod who does not really love her and forces her to be someone else.
Sometimes I think that I and Elisa go so well together because we are very much like each other.
Other times I think that we are too much alike, we do not complement.
Sometimes I need more freedom.
Other times I think that, if I had more freedom, I would have more freedom to take wrong decisions and ruin my own life.
Sometimes I am very self-confident. I have qualities, I have some interests, I reached some point of maturity.
Sometimes I feel that I am an annoyance to others, everything I say could harm others or simply bore them, and, anyway, the world can go on if I would not be here, and if I would not be here nobody would care. So I stay silent and tend to avoid human relationships.
Sometimes I take life as it comes, and enjoy the moment.
Other times I think that I should find a determined goal, and live for it. Which is what Elisa does.
Sometimes I like to be alone, independent, and in full control of my life.
Other times I feel that my life is empty without others to take care of, and who take care of me.
Sometimes I am unaffected by bad things that happen, I just bear with them and go on.
Other times I whine about how bad things happen.
Sometimes I complain that nobody understands me.
Other times I think that it is normal. I don't understand myself, so why should others do?

Why am I sleeping so little these days?
Amd, most important, why am I blogging at 7AM?
(BTW, 7AM is very early, not very late)

"I hate my life! I hate everything! I wish I was dead! ...Well, no, I don't, not really. I wish everyone else was dead" (from a Calvin and Hobbes strip)